im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
