Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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