theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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