If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
