Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
