there's paper in my vomit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
