k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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