He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Come on in and take your pants off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
