i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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