Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
