This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
