Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize