i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am one with the molecules
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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