before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
