Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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