Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
