Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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