Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
