Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize