i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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