i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
