he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
