My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
