Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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