I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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