I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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