I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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