I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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