hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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