I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
