did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
