Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
