Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
