The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
