True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
