i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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