I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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