Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
