Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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