He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
