I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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