i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
