somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
