ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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