Do you still have your period?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
