Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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