It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
