Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
