Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
