I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
