This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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