very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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