He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
