can we get nightvision for the apartment?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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