Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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