i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
