i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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