This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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