I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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