my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
