My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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