Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
