I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
