you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
