he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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