you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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