'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
