do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
