how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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