She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
