Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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