does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
