Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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