its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The beer is more important than you right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
