there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
