it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
