my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
