This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
