We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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