No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
