she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
