Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
