I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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