she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize