I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
