Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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